New York City Subways

New York's subway system is a really great way to get around. For $2.25 and some knowledge on the tracks, you could get basically anywhere. The subways are relatively clean and hygienic and are great for the environment.

The only problem I have with the subways are the obnoxious, annoying, inconsiderate people who ride them. I live in a mostly asian neighborhood, and by the time we pull out of the tunnel at 36th Street they all pull out their phones and talk to their relatives in Asia. I don't know why, but they think they have to talk louder being their relatives are so far away.

Then there are the people that hold the subway doors open forever. They stand there in the door so it won't close. They yell 'Hurry Up!' to their beloveds who are still at the other end of the train trying to hobble as quickly as they carry a kid and its carriage.

Then there are the goofball high schoolers who just spend their day on the trains running around, cursing, and being annoying.

Don't forget the beggars who travel car to car asking for change. Or the crammed cars full of smelly-post-work men. Or the crying babies, running babies, and mothers with annoying voices trying to calm them down.

I really don't enjoy the train. I do enjoy this train, though.

Boundaries

Boundaries. Some people need to learn to respect them.

Today, I got paid and spent most of my paycheck at H&M. There was an asian guy who skipped the fitting room line and attempted to try on polos behind the desk in a corner. The lady yelled at him and told him that he'd have to wait. So he stood behind me giggling. And breathed down my neck the whole time.

Then, he asked me if I came to H&M often. I told him, "No, I'm just getting new stuff for my uniform."

"Well, I like the stuff but I'm too fat for everything here."

My mind said, "Oh, pity. Maybe you should do something about that, you slob."

My mouth said, " Oh. Well, I have decent luck with just about everything."

He said, "I take that as an insult."

WHAT? You just got done trying to change in front of everyone and you're worried about me degrading you? I'm sorry, but you just stepped over the boundary of keeping Ryan happy. You completely ruined your chances by breathing down my neck and trying to try on a polo in front of everyone. I was really ticked.

I said, "I didn't mean to insult you."

Thankfully by this time, it was my turn for a dressing room.

"How many?" the lady asked.

"Six."

She looked at me and said, "No, you have seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven."

My mind said, "Go back to 1st grade. I have 6 things."

My mouth said, "No, I have 6 things. See? 2 shirts, a cardigan, a pair of shorts, 2 pairs of pants. That's 6."

She gave me a blank stare.

"You have 7 things, don't get sassy with me."

So, I got sassy. I laid everything out. One at a time. The asian guy who ticked me off giggled.

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX."

She said, "Oh. Room Two."

After 3 minutes, as I was trying to squeeze into pants that obviously wouldn't fit, she knocked and wanted to know how much longer I'd be. Boundaries. You already ticked me off.

My mind said, "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR ALREADY NO ONE LIKES YOU."

My mouth said, "Five more minutes!"

I'm too nice. I have too much patience.

Vibes

Everyone gives off a certain vibe. I give off a friendly vibe. Bin Laden gave off a nasty vibe. This giraffe gives off funky vibes.

Some people need to put their vibes in check. Seriously.
Today, I was sitting at my desk, unstapling papers like a BOSS when Rhonda came in.

Rhonda has been on vacation since I started this job at the end of June. Rhonda is freakin' legend.

She preps faster than God Himself. Her chair is marked 'Rhonda'. The wall in front of her desk has post-its saying "Always Put God First" and "I love my children. There my stars!"

Do you know how many times I have wanted to write 'They're' on top of 'There'?

Anywhore, she marched right up to me and coughed sarcastically.

I look up and say "Hello. I'm Ryan."

"MMMHMMMMM, I'm Rhonda and dat my desk. Move."

"Oh, sorry. Once I finish jogging these papers I'll move."

(skip to 0:30)

"MMMHMMMM ok. Let me move all your stuff then. Damn, dis desk is filthy. Why are there so many staples on the floor?"

Newsflash honey. I unstaple papers for a living. You'd know this if you read my blog.

So, I sat down at my new, bare desk. Rhonda redirected the air-conditioning vent to herself.

"Where are my scissors? Who messed with the height settings of my chair? Why is there dust on my cabinet? Ryan, you've been sitting here, why haven't you dusted the cabinet?"

Enter Madeline, my arch-nemesis. Madeline gives off a... tedious vibe. She always seems bored. Madeline is in charge of scanning. She catches all my missed staples and tattles to my supervisor so he could come bitch at me. Madeline goes up to Rhonda and says, "Be nice to him. He's Courtney's son."

Courtney is my dad.

Yes, Courtney used to be a male name. o.o

Rhonda turns around and says, 'Oh.'

For the remainder of the day, Rhonda hummed tunes that were either gospel or reggae and prepped papers like Jesus Christ.

I don't get a good vibe from her. She needs to put on some good vibe swag.

I suggest some Foster The People.

Butt Valley Valve Warehouse/ PORN

Short post today, nothing really exciting happened.

These are just 2 of the companies we deal with at work. The first is an insurance management thinger-bajinger called Butt Valley Valve Warehouse. The other is PORN.

PORN stands for:

Pennsylvania

Organization of

Registered

Nurses

.

Trololol.

Anywhore, work blew.

I WILL get fired if I miss ONE staple.

This makes me go ridiculously slow. I don't want to be fired.

Jokes on them, they'll get less done this way by me going mega-slow, and they'll make less money. Hehe.

I really don't want to be fired.

If I am, I will be poor. Forever.

Umbrellas

I hate everyone.

Really.

Today at Coney Island, I spent 20 minutes thinking about what would happen if the seaweed became possessed and came together unanimously to smother me. Freaked out by myself, I went onto the beach and laid down on the towel. Then an umbrella ran me over.

Really?

I thought that was cool. You don't get run over by an umbrella everyday.

And the bitch who's umbrella ran away didn't even run after the nomadic umbrella. She sat there and asked if I could get her umbrella.

Seriously? Could you get any lazier? If you can't put an umbrella in the sand, you should be able to run and get it.

Today, my supervisor called. He said that more documents came in and that I should go in tomorrow.

I can't wait to unstaple papers for minimum wage all day.

He also said that I will be fired if I keep missing staples.

Listen roody-poo. All you do is play solitaire and come in drunk. I'd like to see you look through a box of papers and find EVERY staple.

What ever, one day I'll be rich. Unlike this song, I won't be able to buy by parent's house, as they have apartments. But I will be able to purchase sweaters and instruct dance as these lyrics suggest.

First of hopefully many blog posts

Hey guys!

To start things off, a few things about me.

I'm a 17-year-old guy who lives in Lansford, PA.

It's a really small town in the Poconos.

I'm spending the summer in New York City working.

Ironically, I'm currently not working as I was laid off.

I've been craving a place where I could simply rant, share music, and rant some more. Facebook and Tumblr don't really let me do these things.

Deep down in, I don't care if I have many followers or not, as I am brand-spanking-new to blogging and not really social.

First rant. Ever. Are you ready?

One day, I was out with friends when my mother called me demanding my appearance at the homestead. She announced I would be headed to New York to work the next day.

So, the next day I packed, made myself look decent, and got on the bus. My mother didn't even say goodbye. She was on pletnyoffish.com, so this is understandable.

The day after arriving in New York, I started work at a document management facility.

It's honestly as exciting as it sounds.

Basically, we make digital copies of documents from places like Pfizer and law offices.

My job is taking out staples. Who cares that Ryan is handy with computers?

So I sit there, unstapling papers as Roberta runs around confused because Internet Explorer is showing a new tab and she wants to go to her old tab.

After a week of working there, my supervisor told me that I don't have to come in any more because there aren't any more documents to unstaple.

/end rant.

On the upside, being I'm stuck in New York now, I've been exploring it and its music scene.

Although this isn't anything new, it truly is the essence of the city.

Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed

Why can't popular singers of today produce such music? Because they play the computer and sing about sparkles and sluts.

I was born in the wrong time period. I swear.