Vibes

Everyone gives off a certain vibe. I give off a friendly vibe. Bin Laden gave off a nasty vibe. This giraffe gives off funky vibes.

Some people need to put their vibes in check. Seriously.
Today, I was sitting at my desk, unstapling papers like a BOSS when Rhonda came in.

Rhonda has been on vacation since I started this job at the end of June. Rhonda is freakin' legend.

She preps faster than God Himself. Her chair is marked 'Rhonda'. The wall in front of her desk has post-its saying "Always Put God First" and "I love my children. There my stars!"

Do you know how many times I have wanted to write 'They're' on top of 'There'?

Anywhore, she marched right up to me and coughed sarcastically.

I look up and say "Hello. I'm Ryan."

"MMMHMMMMM, I'm Rhonda and dat my desk. Move."

"Oh, sorry. Once I finish jogging these papers I'll move."

(skip to 0:30)

"MMMHMMMM ok. Let me move all your stuff then. Damn, dis desk is filthy. Why are there so many staples on the floor?"

Newsflash honey. I unstaple papers for a living. You'd know this if you read my blog.

So, I sat down at my new, bare desk. Rhonda redirected the air-conditioning vent to herself.

"Where are my scissors? Who messed with the height settings of my chair? Why is there dust on my cabinet? Ryan, you've been sitting here, why haven't you dusted the cabinet?"

Enter Madeline, my arch-nemesis. Madeline gives off a... tedious vibe. She always seems bored. Madeline is in charge of scanning. She catches all my missed staples and tattles to my supervisor so he could come bitch at me. Madeline goes up to Rhonda and says, "Be nice to him. He's Courtney's son."

Courtney is my dad.

Yes, Courtney used to be a male name. o.o

Rhonda turns around and says, 'Oh.'

For the remainder of the day, Rhonda hummed tunes that were either gospel or reggae and prepped papers like Jesus Christ.

I don't get a good vibe from her. She needs to put on some good vibe swag.

I suggest some Foster The People.